the new war chapter two part 1
The deadly Super Demons have awoken and everyone in the crowd ran from these demons,Pyro, Tobi, and Tsuki ran to a nearby cave.Tobi healed Pyro and Tsuki,Pyro peaked out from the cave and saw forest fires, dead bodies, and destruction of cities.Tobi didn't know what to do, 'the super demons, i have only heard legends of them!' then,Tsuki saw a distant shadow from the cave, it was a psion!,the psion kept on thinking about despair ,and the end of the world.Tsuki said 'hey we sensed you were a psion! what's your name?' the psion responded, 'stay back!, my name is Silabre!' ,Pyro exclamed 'why stay back !?, what did WE do?!', Silabre said 'I don't know if i can stop them this time!', Tsuki responded 'who? the super demons?', Silabre shouted angrily 'yes!', Tobi immediatly responded, 'hey hey cam down!, just tell us your story', then Silabre said'fine i will tell you',.'It all started when it was 5000 millenium ago', '5000 millinium?!' Pyro said in shock,'I lived in mount poazu,I grew up in a fine rich family with many things to do,I wanted to be a strong warrior,I talked to the monks after they meditated ,they taught me everything about psionics and how to fight,I became so strong i was the strongest in the world,I have fulfilled my childhood dream,then I fought all of my masters at once, I took them all down at once,then I saw demons come from the sky, and the leader was a super demon!, everybody and I defeated the demons ,I managed to defeat them all even the super demon, we fought in this exact cave,I managed to defeat him but he sealed me from moving, then all of My masters created a powerful sheild around the world called, 'the veil', then this happens!, you unsealed me by sensing my power ,and I don,t know if i can stop them now that there is a handful of super demons' ,Tsuki said in shock 'incredible!'. Tobi said what will we do now?, Silabre said 'we have to find more people!'.They all got serious now.
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AresApolloSkyshot
AresApolloSkyshot
You have...Ok potential I guess. I may be being harshing, But Im an experienced author
Everything Else...
AresApolloSkyshot
You have...Ok potential I guess. I may be being harshing, But Im an experienced author
AresApolloSkyshot
The story needs more comma's man, they're awesome, learn to use them. It moves on to quick and ITS STILL CLICHE. Please spice it up a bit, I want some writing competition
By AresApolloSkyshot
The story needs more comma's man, they're awesome, learn to use them. It moves on to quick and ITS STILL CLICHE. Please spice it up a bit, I want some writing competition
a year ago